At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
