haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
