Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we're making bets on your personal life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize