i need an iv and a liver transplant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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