I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
