He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
