Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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