Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
