So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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