we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
