he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
