A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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