So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
