just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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