Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
