Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
