it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
