Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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