Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
