pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
