i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
