I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
