apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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