Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Shame is for Republicans.
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