fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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