I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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