i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize