Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
