i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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