True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
