i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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