McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
