I could make wine with my vomit
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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