Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
