things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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