Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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