Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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