I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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