He kissed a someone with a penis
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
