If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When are your genitals available?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
