I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I smell like Dick and happiness
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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