I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
