yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
