That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
