You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
