well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
