I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
