$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
