whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sarcasm needs its own font
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
