I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
