i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
