operation have a gay friend backfired
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
