So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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