Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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