so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
