the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
