I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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