My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Im part way to drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
