Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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