please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize