thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
