Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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