is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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