All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
