I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
