She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
