We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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