I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
